


I Can't Be A Part Of This Lie.

by lizibabes



Series: Dark Bingo [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Cheating, M/M, Sex, Swearing, Violence, violence within a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the unfaithful prompt for Dark bingo. After a violent fight with his boyfriend Adam seeks comfort from Tommy, only he doesn't tell the other man that his relationship isn't over. Torn between the fire and a sweet lover Adam doesn't know who to choose, but he knows he has to choose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Be A Part Of This Lie.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> The OMC is not based on any real person and Adam isn't always the most moral in this fic, but that's due to the prompt and I hope you'll give it a chance anyway.

Adam POV  
　  
He knows it isn't healthy, the way they fight all the time, but he's a little in love with the passion, even if it borders on hate at times. His family hates Jay, so do his friends, none of them even try and pretend to like his boyfriend. Normally that would be enough to give him second thoughts, but not this time. He loves the fire between them, the constant drama. He'd had so many boring dates before Jay and some boring sex as well. Jay, well Jay is a lot of things, but boring isn't one of them. He's not sure if he's in love with him or not, some days he thinks he is and other days he thinks it's more of an obsession. Jay's not his usual type at all, he's not small, skinny or pretty, there is nothing fem about him. Jay is a little taller than him, has broad shoulders and a body that is all muscle. He has dark black hair, tanned skin and green eyes. Completely different from the man he'd been pinning over when he first met Jay almost half a year ago. Well Jay does have tattoos, long swirling tribal sleeves on both arms, his chest and back. Adam has spent hours running his tongue over inked skin.  
　  
It's a Saturday and they've gone shopping together. Brad was meant to meet them for lunch, but he bailed last minute, by text and Adam knows he texted because he can't lie for shit face to face or even on the phone, his voice gives it away. Brad didn't have other plans he forgot but really couldn't cancel, he just didn't want to be around Jay and it pissed Adam off. Jay was polite to Brad, sure he wasn't enthusiastic about being friends with Adam's ex, but that was because Jay could be a little possessive, not because he didn't like Brad. Jay was all Alpha in nature, it made things in and out of the bedroom very interesting. He'd thought of himself as a top for years, but Jay makes him see himself differently. They fight for dominance and he loses more than half the time, but he doesn't mind.  
　  
Jay has a hand in the back pocket of Adam's jeans as they walk and he glares at any guy if he thinks there looking too long at Adam or if he thinks Adam is looking at them. It sends a thrill up Adam's spine. He shouldn't be pleased with jealousy, he knows that, it's an ugly, horrible emotion and something he normally hates. But it makes him feel wanted in a way he hadn't for a long time before Jay.  
　  
They have a pretty nice day until they go back to Adam's place and he starts giving him shit over some fan. It had been a group of girls and they'd been asking about Tommy, the pink hair in Moscow weeks before, if Adam was with him when he got it dyed, did he think it was cute, sexy. He's laughed, let them take a few pictures, told them the pink hair surprised him as well. He'd agreed that the pink was and joked that Tommy was always sexy. The girls had agreed, Jay clearly didn't.  
　  
"I don't even know what you see in him! He's just some little twink with dyed hair. You encourage your fans when you call him sexy. What the fuck were you thinking, I was standing right there, I'm your boyfriend, your fans know that, it'd be nice if you acted like you know it too." Jay yells at him as Adam makes coffee in the kitchen, he thinks maybe the drink cabinet in the family room might be a better place to be right now. He needs a drink.  
　  
"I can call men sexy, Jay. He is attractive, not to mention straight or maybe it's you that needs to remember that?" Adam snaps back, leaving the half made coffee so he can go get a real drink. Jay of course, follows.  
　  
"He might be straight, but it doesn't stop you from panting after him. Making a fool over yourself over some skinny little bass player. Guys a fucking tease for sure, even if he was gay, I doubt you'd be getting your dick near him for a damn long time." Jay sneers.  
　  
Adam knocks his drink back and pours another, seeing red, partly because the first part is true. He likes Tommy a lot, the fans see it, his friends see it, the only one who acts like he doesn't and that's Tommy himself. It's pathetic pinning over something he can't have when he has a hot boyfriend who wants him. It pisses him off that Jay would throw it in his face though.  
　  
"I'm not after Tommy in any way, he's a friend." He huffs. They end up sat in the living room, snapping insults and drinking. Till Jay apologies, sits next to him and kisses him. It’s hot and rough and Adam resists for a minute before going for it, kissing back hard, teeth nipping.  
　  
"Such a slut for me." Jay whispers against his neck and another time it would just be dirty talk, but they've been fighting, he's been drinking.  
　  
"I'm not a slut. I'm fucking sick of you making comments like that. You accuse me of wanting other men all the time." Adam hisses, pushing Jay away and standing up. When Jay grabs his arm, he yanks it out of his grip and turns to face him. The lust that had been singing through his veins turning right back in to anger.  
　  
"Is this about Tommy again? Of course it is, everything’s about that blonde skank and you." Jay spits, and once more Adam sees red.  
　  
"Fuck you." He can't think of something clever to say, so he just pours all the hatred he is feeling into his voice and into shoving Jay from out of his face. He doesn't expect his reaction to piss Jay off so badly. Doesn't expect to get hit and so doesn't even think to move out of the way of Jay's fist. It catches him in the jaw hard and he stumbles back, shocked, hurt and pissed. Jay's own jaw has dropped, like he can't believe he did that.  
　  
"Adam." Jay says softly, but Adam cuts him off.  
　  
"Get out of my house now." He can't even yell, he's trembling, more for shock and anger than fear, he doesn't think Jay is going to hit him again. Jay looks at him for a long time and then storms out slamming the door behind him. Adam hates when he does that. He sits down on the sofa blinking hard, he feels like crying, instead he gets another drink.  
　  
Half an hour later when he's almost called Jay a thousand times, he calls the one person he knows will come and not give him shit. He calls Tommy, the only person who won't demand he break up with Jay, will talk to him and let him make his own decisions. He doesn't pick Tommy to spite Jay, he really doesn't, but all his other friends, his family, they would try and call the cops on Jay. Tommy trusts him to make the right choice himself, won't ever force his hand. He gets out a few words on the phone and in seconds, Tommy is promising to get there as quick as he can.  
　  
Tommy turns up on his door with a bottle of vodka in one hand and a huge tub of ice cream in the other and Adam knows he made the right choice when he called Tommy. He gets glasses and spoons and they both kick off their shoes and curl up together on the sofa under a blanket. Tommy doesn't bug him to talk, even though Adam dragged him over to his place without explaining anything. For a while they just sit watching TV, both eating the ice cream and knocking back shots of vodka.  
　  
"Are you alright?" Adam asks, Tommy digging into the ice cream isn't weird, him having a few drinks with Adam isn't weird, neither is how quiet he is, but all three together has Adam a little concerned.  
　  
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Tommy raises an eyebrow.  
　  
"I'll talk when I'm ready. You know what I'm like, but what about you?" Adam asks, he's a little tipsy, but he won't let Tommy dodge the question.  
　  
"It's nothing. I promise, just stuff weighing on my mind." Tommy shrugs and Adam doesn't think it's a lie so he nods and scoops up more ice cream.  
　  
"We had a fight, but I'm not ready to talk about it." Adam wonders if his face will bruise, Tommy will question things then. Tommy might be laid back, but he's also very protective of the people he cares about. Adam isn't sure just how bad his reaction might be if he finds out Jay hit him.  
　  
Once they’re finished with the ice cream, they cuddle closer and it is just what Adam needs, Tommy's small body under his arm, pressed up against his side. He lets him pet his hair as well, something Adam thinks they both find soothing. Tommy's half asleep and draped all over him, it feels good, better than it should. He hates that he can't turn his feelings for Tommy off, no matter how hard he tries he's still a little in love and a lot in lust with his best friend. Tommy looks up at him, face close.  
　  
"Did I fall asleep?" He asks, looking sleepy and rumpled and just so fucking cute.  
　  
"Yeah, I think so, baby." He hadn't noticed Tommy's doze getting deeper, but the sleepy look on his face shows that he did.  
　  
"Sorry, I haven't been sleeping so good." Tommy sighs and he goes to turn away. Adam stops him with a hand to his chin, cupping it so they stay eye to eye.  
　  
"Drinking, ice cream, falling asleep on me, you'd tell me if something was wrong, right Tommy Joe?" Adam asks, noticing the dark circles under Tommy's eyes for the first time. He'd been too wrapped up in himself to notice. Something is up, but Tommy came to comfort him anyway, he can't believe he's so sweet, so perfect, so straight.  
　  
"I'm fine, Babyboy, just stressed and tired, you don't need to worry about me." Tommy says firmly, his tongue flicking out to lightly dampen his lower lip. Adam knows he shouldn't, knows he's being stupid, but he's a little bit drunk and still so angry at Jay. He wants someone to make all the pain go away, even if it’s just for a little while, so he kisses Tommy. It's soft, just a gentle press of lips against lips and Tommy doesn't pull away. He leans into it, almost swaying forward and Adam wraps his arms around him, pulling him closer.  
　  
"We shouldn't." Tommy says softly, breaking the kiss.  
　  
"Right, because you’re straight." Adam sighs, ready to back up off all of it; the kiss, the hug, everything if he's pushed to far.  
　  
"Because you have a boyfriend." Tommy sighs, one hand pushing back his bangs, but not trying to create any distance between them. And he's not agreeing that he's straight, that his being straight should stop them. Adam can't quiet process that, he blames that and the booze for what he says next.  
　  
"He's not so much an issue anymore." Because Adam should break up with him, he really should. He hasn't though, might not and the lie tastes bitter on his tongue, he forgets all about bitterness when Tommy leans in and kisses him, hesitant and so sweet.  
　  
Adam can't resist, he's never claimed to be a strong man when it comes to temptation and Tommy is the biggest temptation he has ever faced. He doesn't know what changed, what has changed for Tommy for this to happen. Right now he can't bring himself to ask; he manhandles Tommy onto his back, getting the blonde under him on the sofa. He's been all over Tommy before, but not like this, he's never had him beneath him like this. The feel of Tommy, so small, but not all bones and skinniness is a heady feeling, makes his head spin more than the vodka he's drunk with Tommy or the jack before that with Jay.  
　  
He lets himself lose control a little, kissing Tommy the way he wishes he could on stage, sliding his hands over his body and under his clothes. Tommy doesn't tell him to stop, to slow down, he kisses back, calloused hands up under Adam's shirt, gripping at his skin. He lifts up pulling his own shirt off, loving the way Tommy looks at him, like he's something beautiful, special. It makes Adam feel wanted more than sex with anyone ever has, it makes his throat feel strangely thick, like he can't swallow, his chest is tight with emotion. He doesn't want to feel like this, he doesn't even really want to feel. He pulls Tommy to sit up a little, gets the blonde's T-shirt off so he can distract himself with pale skin and stark tattoos.  
　  
He looses himself in the taste of Tommy's skin, kissing and licking all over his torso and throat, returning to his lips whenever he feels he's been gone from them too long. Right now he's allowed to touch and taste, to kiss, he isn't going to waste a moment. While Tommy is willing to give him this, he's going to take everything he can get, even though he knows it's selfish. The sound of Tommy moaning drowns out the nagging voice in his head telling him this is wrong, that he shouldn't do this. He has Tommy writhing underneath him, nothing else can matter right now, not when he's wanted to be where he is now for over two years.  
　  
"Adam." Tommy moans, quiet, but so full of need.  
　  
Adam grinds his hips down, groans when Tommy bucks up against him, hard and hot in his tight jeans.  
　  
"Tell me what you want, Tommy." Adam wants everything, he's a greedy motherfucker, but he can't help it. He wants more than just a taste of the other man.  
　  
"I want you." Tommy pants, his hands resting at Adam's waist.  
　  
"You can have anything you want from me, Tommy. This can go as far as you want." He offers, as much as he wants everything, he isn't going to push to fuck Tommy, he's not that much of an asshole.  
　  
"I want it all." Tommy breathes out, his back arching to bring his body closer.  
　  
Adam sits up and offers his hand to Tommy. If they’re doing this, he's doing it the right way; in a bed, not on his couch. Tommy takes his hand and they walk to his bedroom in silence, he's had Tommy in here before, but never half naked. He makes quick work of stripping the blonde, eager to see more, to feel more. He strips himself, and he can feel Tommy's eyes on him, watching the whole time. He gets Tommy spread out on his king sized bed, he's never seen anything like it, breathtaking and all his to play with. Tommy looks up at him when he gets into bed with him, so trusting it almost breaks Adam's heart. Tommy is nervous, it shows clearly on his face, but he sprawls naked underneath Adam and gives him freedom to do whatever he wants to his body.  
　  
"Have you done anything like this before?" Adam asks, pulling lube and a condom out of a draw.  
　  
"A few times, but I was normally drunk." Tommy admits, not meeting his eye.  
　  
He doesn't know how to feel about that, it's not like he wanted to be the only man Tommy has ever wanted, as hot as the idea of that is. This way he isn't an experiment because Tommy's already experimented. He knows that maybe they should talk, if Tommy is normally drunk when he sleeps with men, he might not exactly be comfortable with his sexuality yet. Gay, Bi, Adam doesn't know and maybe he should know before they do this, but he's not exactly thinking with his upstairs brain right now. He doesn't let Tommy keep avoiding his gaze though, making eye contact before he kisses him, settling his body between the blonde’s thighs.  
　  
He keeps kissing him, his pouty mouth, his neck, while he lubes his fingers and then starts running them around the puckered rim. Tommy gasps, but he doesn't pull away. Despite knowing he's been with men, Adam is pretty sure Tommy hasn't been with a lot of men so he takes it slow. The moment he gets a finger up past the knuckle, he knows slow is the only way to go. Tommy is tight, Adam wouldn't think he'd ever had any one's fingers, let alone a dick. He slides down Tommy's body a lot, getting a mouth on his cock to distract from the discomfort of his fingers working at loosening up his entrance. He builds up to three fingers slowly, his tongue flicking around the head of Tommy's dick, using tight suction and taking Tommy deep to keep him relaxed. He wants this to be good for Tommy, wants nothing more than to see him fall apart.  
　  
He waits until Tommy is begging, thrusting back against his fingers and moaning before he rolls on a condom and slicks up his cock. He keeps Tommy on his back, wrapping his slim legs around his waist. He kisses Tommy, sucking on his tongue as he pushes inside. Tommy's whole body tenses and Adam knows he must be in pain, he stops moving even though Tommy doesn't ask him to. He keeps his hips still, pressed up against Tommy. He doesn't rock at all, even though not moving is killing him. He presses soft kisses to Tommy's face, his eyes are squeezed shut, his breathing coming in pants. His arms on Adam tighten, keeping him close. When it feels like Tommy has relaxed a little he starts moving, his hips rolling in gentle thrusts, he keeps it slow and sweet until sweat breaks out over them both and Tommy starts moaning, begging for more.  
　  
Tommy is probably the most responsive person he has ever had in his bed and he loves watching the blonde falling apart under his touch. Tommy looks wreaked, hair a sweaty mess, cheeks flushed, eyes almost glazed, he looks beautiful. He can't believe he gets to have this, gets to touch Tommy, be with him this way. He slides a hand between them, he wants to see Tommy shatter, to know he's responsible for it. His thrusts are grazing against Tommy's prostate every time, his hand moving fast and a little rough, the feel of Tommy hard and wet in his hand, tight around his dick, it's maddening.  
　  
Tommy gasps, stiffening and then he calls out Adam's name in a way that makes heat curl low in Adam's belly and something tighten in his chest. He doesn't last long after that, moaning Tommy's name against the blonde's lips as he kisses him sloppily. He's panting, sweaty and Tommy's cum is all over his chest and stomach, but he couldn't be happier. He gets a cloth to clean them off. Tommy has gone quiet, but he's smiling, so Adam's pretty sure he's not regretting this. He pulls the sheets over them and Tommy curls up against his side, using his chest as a pillow. He falls asleep long before Adam does, seems booze and sex is enough to make him less of an insomniac. Adam lies awake a little, watching Tommy, he can't help thinking this is how it should always be. Tommy in his bed, falling asleep together, but he has a feeling Tommy will leave, even if Adam leaves Jay first. Tommy won't stay, he's not out, he hates girls. He sleeps with men when he's drunk, they were both drinking. Adam closes his eyes, preying Tommy doesn't wake up calling this a mistake.  
　  
He wakes up before Tommy, looks at his alarm clock, it's only six in the morning. Normally his phone would be next to it but Adam realises he never brought it upstairs. He slips out of bed, carefully so as not to wake up Tommy, he looks so young when he's asleep, peaceful and so beautiful. Adam goes downstairs and finds his phone on the coffee table. He has a lot of texts and missed calls. He looks at the texts first.  
　  
I'm sorry baby, I love you  
Jay xx  
　  
Please forgive me. I didn't mean to. I'd never hurt you.  
Jay xx  
　  
Give me another chance. I know you still love me  
Jay xx  
　  
There are ten more, not much different from the first three, lots of apologies, declarations of love. He knows he shouldn't, but he goes on to listen to the voicemails.  
　  
"Adam, please text back, even if it's just to tell me to fuck off. I'm worried about you. I'm so fucking sorry. I just lost my temper, I only get jealous because I love you so damn much."  
　  
"Adam, call me back. Don't end things over one mistake. You know we're good together. I just want to be there with you, kissing you."  
　  
There are over fifteen messages, some long, some short. Demands that he pick up his phone, answer it, pleas to just talk to him. More apologies, promises never to do it again. He talks about passion, fiery personalities. Adam doesn't know what to think. He knows how it sounds, boyfriend throwing a punch, them being sorry, promising never to do it again. But he doesn't want to think he and Jay are like that. Jay has never laid a hand on him before and Adam pushed him first. He's so confused, he loves the fire between them, but he knows violence isn't healthy. He's almost addicted to Jay, he's so intoxicating, like a drug. And then there is Tommy, beautiful Tommy upstairs, sleeping in his bed. He cheated on Jay with Tommy, he knows it's fucked up. God the likelihood of Tommy wanting to stay with him was always slim, but Adam doubts he'll want a cheater. He'll go back to girls, go back to being his pretty straight kitty. It would shred his heart to be with Tommy and then have him leave, he couldn't live through that and he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't know what to do. He's in love with Tommy, but the other man hadn't talked about emotions last night, they'd just fell straight into bed together, they hadn't even discussed that. Jay loves him with an all consuming passion.  
　  
When the house phone rings, he almost jumps out of his skin. He doesn't know what to say if it's Jay and he knows it will be, no one else would call so early on a Sunday. So he lets the phone ring and hopes the noise isn't enough to wake Tommy up. He hears voicemail click on and Jay's voice fills the room.  
　  
"Adam, I really want to see you. I fucked up, I get that, but we should talk. I should have never just left, but I didn't want to scare you or anything. I'm gonna come over so we can talk. I don't think you want to throw away what we have either or you would have said it was over last night. You didn't do, I'm hoping you can forgive me. I'll see you soon, baby." Jay sighs and then his voice is gone and Adam thinks he might be sick. Jay is heading to his house right this fucking minute and Tommy is upstairs, naked in his bed. A bed he's spent hours in with Jay, battling for dominance.  
　  
He all but runs to his bedroom, shacking Tommy awake before he's even thought it through.  
　  
"Huh?" Tommy frowns, looking rumbled and like an adorably grumpy kitten, which shouldn't be hot but somehow it is.  
　  
"I have to go out, like really soon. So can you leave and, um, I'll call later and we can meet up?" Adam asks, he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.  
　  
Looking like a zombie Tommy gets out of bed, completely naked and not trying to hide it. It doesn't seem like he's going to try and pretend they didn't have sex, which is a good thing really, only it isn't right now. Tommy gets dressed silently and then wonders over to where Adam is standing and trying not to hyperventilate. He presses a sweet kiss to Adam's lips and makes a small, pleased noise in the back of his throat.  
　  
"I should kick your ass for not making me breakfast. Some gentleman you are, asshole." Tommy says playfully, snuggling against his front and Adam can't help holding him back. It's not like this with Jay, the sex is good, fantastic even and they are intimate, but Jay isn't big on casual affection. Public displays of affection are for show, to make it clear that they are together, a claiming, pure and simple.  
　  
He walks Tommy downstairs, heart in his throat.  
　  
"Your machine’s flashing." Tommy comments, wondering over. Adam had listened to the live version, hadn't even thought to play it again, to delete it. Before he can stop him, Tommy presses play and Adam watches as his face goes impossibly pale.  
　  
"So that's why you want me gone? When you said you had something to do, I didn't think you meant someone." Tommy shakes his head, he looks shocked.  
　  
"Tommy." He wants to tell him it's not like that, Jay isn't coming over for sex, but he doesn't get past the blonde's name before his hands go up in a clear stop gesture.  
　  
"Don't. You lied to me. Said you weren't together. I can't talk to you right now." Tommy pushes past him, heading for the door.  
　  
"Please, let me explain later?" If he explains now, he'll be explaining to Jay as well and that could get ugly. He doesn't think Jay would believe that Tommy didn't know Adam was being unfaithful last night.  
　  
"Whatever." Tommy grits out and it's better than a no, so Adam lets him walk out the door and watches him go. The whole time feeling like he's making the worst mistake of his life letting Tommy walk away from him now.  
　  
He sits in the kitchen and waits for Jay. The doorbell rings maybe ten minutes later and Adam has the weirdest thought. He's been with Jay a long time, but he hasn't given him a key to his house, let alone asked him to move in and he doesn't know why. They’re serious about each other, he should of at least given Jay a key. It feels like he's kept his house as somewhere that's all his, Jay just visits and something about that just seems wrong.  
　  
They sit opposite each other at the kitchen table. Adam makes coffee, not because he wants it or to be a good host. He just needs something simple to focus on for a little while. So he sits hands cupping the hot mug, but not drinking any.  
　  
"I'm sorry I hit you. I'm glad I didn't hurt you." Jay gestures to the unmarked skin of his jaw. As hard as the punch was, Adam's surprised it didn't leave a mark. He's fucking glad though, explaining how he got a bruised up face to his family and friends would have been a nightmare and if the fans got a picture? Of course they would ask what had happened, it was natural human curiosity and he would have had to lie through his teeth about it.  
　  
"I want to make it up to you if you'll let me?" Jay asks. Adam doesn't know what to say. He can't get Tommy out of his head, how he had looked last night in his bed, the look on his face when he realized Adam was still dating Jay.  
　  
He gets up so he can pour away his coffee, he hears a chair scrape, Jay's footsteps behind him. He puts the cup down, but he doesn't tense up, he's not afraid of Jay. He's sure he won't hit him again and if he does, this time he'd hit back. He turns so that he's facing Jay, warmth radiating off the slightly bigger man’s body. He places an arm on either side of Adam, leans in and kisses him forcefully. The spark he has for Jay flares to life the moment Jay's lips touch his. They kiss, hard and fast, the passion singing through his veins. Jay drops to his knees, unzipping Adam's pants and goes down on him, right there in the kitchen. He hears jay unzip his own pants, glances down to see his boyfriend jerking off to the feel of sucking his dick. It's hot and it's real, he can have this. Tommy is a fantasy that will walk away. He loses himself in lust, his body humming. The passion he has with Jay like a fire burning through him, but when Jay's done and they’re both coming down from their orgasm's and the fire has burnt out, it feels hollow. He doesn't want to pull Jay into his arms, to sleep with him, he doesn't want to cuddle him, watch him sleep, hang out with him. He doesn't want him the way he wants Tommy. He has made a big fucking mistake.  
　  
"We shouldn't have done that. We're not good for each other, this needs to end, now." He's choosing Tommy, even though he might have lost that option when the blonde walked out the door.  
　  
"So what, I got one last taste before you end it?" Jay asks.  
　  
"Come on, Jay. I know you've never hit a boyfriend before. Aren't you worried that we bring out the worst in each other? Anger, jealousy, violence?" Adultery goes unsaid, he doesn't want Jay going to the press about Tommy, painting him as some home wrecker. He wants to apologize, he's never been unfaithful before, which should have been a big clue that this could never work. He doesn't want to be that guy.  
　  
Jay looks like he's thinking about it, like maybe he sees that Adam has a point about them bringing out the worst sides of each other.  
　  
He asks Jay to leave and he doesn't fight it, asks him not to call or text and he just nods. Adam watches him drive away and he feels like he's losing something, but not a part of his heart. It just doesn't hurt to see Jay leave the way it did Tommy. He doesn't think Tommy will answer his cell, so he just gets his keys and drives to Tommy's place. He sits in his car for almost an hour, trying to think of what to say. He doesn't want to justify what he did, even though he had reasons, he knows it was wrong and he's betrayed Tommy's trust. He only hopes he can get it back. He doesn't want to loose Tommy, for their friendship to end, for Tommy to leave the band. He just can't not have him in his life.  
　  
He calls and leaves a voicemail saying he's outside, won't leave until they've talked. Tommy comes down, sliding into the passenger seat instead of letting Adam up into his apartment.  
　  
"I ended it with Jay, for real. I shouldn't have lied to you. I had a fight with Jay and I drank a lot. Then you came and took care of me, even though you were upset about something. And I'm a greedy fucking bastard, so when I saw I could have more of your kindness, of you, I took more and I wasn't going to let Jay stop me." Adam rambles, Tommy hardly even looks at him.  
　  
"I'm so sorry I involved you in my cheating, that was fucked up and I'm so sorry." Adam doesn't know what to say, he's hurt Tommy, he knows he has and it kills him.  
　  
"The reason I had a lot on my mind was you, not just being worried because of the call. I'd had a crush for a while and I thought it would go away, that I could go with other people and that would make it go away. Only I kept falling harder and you kept dating Jay. I had no chance with you and I was bummed. But I'd rather be your friend than nothing so I didn't tell you I loved you. And then like an idiot, I kiss you. But stupider than that, I let you fuck me and thought it meant more. Instead you were just doing it to spite your boyfriend." Tommy grits out, his eyes flashing with anger.  
　  
"I would never use you to hurt someone else. I know I used you anyway and hurt you, but I just wanted to be with you for a little while, to pretend I was with someone who loved me. I wanted to believe you could love me that way, if only for a night. It was selfish, but I wanted it." Adam sighs.  
　  
"It wasn't pretend Adam, I love you. I thought that was what last night was about. I knew it was stupid rushing into things, into sex. I thought you'd only just broke up with a guy. So I didn't want to fuck things up by telling you I love you." Tommy groans, clearly pissed off and frustrated.  
　  
"I was in love with you long before I started dating Jay. I've fucked up. I still love you, I understand if you don't want to try after what I did. I hate myself for what I did, but I can't help still hoping I can be with you." Adam says softly.  
　  
"How do I know you’re not with him for real? How do I know you really love me?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"I want you to have a key to my house, come and go as you want. Live there if you want. I'll take you home and tell my Mom we're dating, I'll tell Lane, the band and the dancers. I'll announce it on Twitter. If you agree to try and be with me, I won't hide it, I'll tell the world I love you." He doesn't care about the fan reaction, the media backlash. He spent a long time thinking he couldn't have Tommy and then once he knew he could, he fucked it up. He knows he needs to make Tommy his priority for this to work and he can do that, because he is. Having him and Jay so close together was wrong, but it showed him the difference between infatuation, passion and love.  
　  
"You can't do all that." Tommy says, he looks a lot less angry, almost hopeful, but sad at the same time.  
　  
"Yes I can. I want you in my life, not as a secret." Adam says firmly, he won't try and make Tommy live a lie so he can save face.  
　  
"If you’re lying again, I'll never forgive you. I won't help you cheat, Adam. I won't be a part of that." Tommy says firmly.  
　  
"I'm sorry I ever made you a part of my lie. I promise, no more lies. I love you, Tommy Joe, and I want everyone to know that. I'll never be unfaithful, I promise." He touches Tommy's hand gently, relieved beyond words when he doesn't pull away.  
　  
"If you were anyone else, I'd tell you to fuck off, but I love you and I can't. I want to try, but if you fuck around, Adam, it’s all over. Us, our friendship, me being in the band." Tommy sighs.  
　  
"I will never mess up like this again. I promise." He knows it'll take more than words to get Tommy to fully trust him again. It will take time and him showing that he's worthy of trust. He is more than willing to work at earning back Tommy's trust, no matter how long it takes.  
　  
Tommy leans close and kisses him softly.  
　  
"Good, because if you cheat on me, I've watched enough horror movies to kill you and make it slow and painful." Tommy says cheerfully, drawing back from the kiss.  
　  
Adam pulls him back in by the T-shirt and gives him a quick peck.  
　  
"You’re scary as fuck, but it's hot as hell. Can I take you to lunch?" Adam asks.  
　  
"If you’re paying." Tommy shrugs, but there is a smile playing around the edges of his mouth. Adam thinks they can get past this, he can fix the damage he did.  
　  
"Of course, that's how a date works." Adam smiles, because even though he knows things won't be easy. Not after he fucked up so royally, but he has a date with Tommy Joe and not much else seems to matter in that moment, other than the fact he's taking the man he loves out to lunch. The road to earn forgiveness is long and he can't wait to get started.  
　  
The End.


End file.
